Hello again from Ocean City!
I profusely apologize for how little I’ve been updating this
blog. There really is so much to share that I think I get overwhelmed with how
much I have to say and end up saying nothing. So instead of trying to sum up
everything that’s happened in the past 22 days I will just share some snippets
of project life and of what the Lord has been working in my heart since I’ve
been here.
First of all, the staff is gone. About half way through
project the staff leaves, leaving the project in the hands of the students. We
all received project roles that were once filled by staff. Roles include
project directors, action group leaders, house managers, women’s conference
planners, etc. I was put on the weekly meeting team that plans the meetings we
have every Monday and Thursday. So far it’s going very well. We have 3 meeting
under our belt and I’ve already learned a lot about how a meeting should run
that I’m excited to take back to my campus in just 4 short weeks.
Another aspect of staff leaving that has been really
exciting is that things started to change socially. I’m not going to lie and
say that this summer has been easy for me socially. I think I often ride the
line of introversion and extroversion, but being here has really forced me to
put my introverted tendencies aside for the sake of making friends, and that
has not been easy. I’ve been feeling exhausted by constantly putting myself out
there and trying to make people see that I’m worth getting to know. Lately,
this constant denial of time for myself and even quiet time with the Lord has
really caught up with me. I found myself getting easily agitated by silly
things, feeling sad that no one wanted to know me and upset with myself that I
wasn’t cool enough, loud enough, funny enough or pretty enough for people to
want to know.
I quickly realized that not only are none of these things
true, but that they are lies straight from the enemy himself. In fact, these
are lies that I’ve been believing about myself for a long time and lies that
cross over into all aspects of my life. They especially hinder me from sharing
my faith effectively because I believe that no one would accept the Gospel if
they heard it from me.
After a few days of being grouchy about these things, and
after some encouraging words from some friends here on project, I finally did
what I should have done as soon as I recognized these lies in my life: I turned
to Scripture. And boy did God provide. Among many others, here is a passage
that has been immensely encouraging reminders of God’s promises that He loves
me, He wants good things for me and if I commit my spirit into His hand, He is
where I will find my ultimate comfort.
Psalm 31: 1-10, 19-24
In you, O Lord, do I take refuge;
let me never be put to shame; in
your righteousness deliver me! Incline your ear to me; rescue me
speedily!
Be a rock of refuge for me,
a strong fortress to save me! For
you are my rock and my fortress; and for your name's sake you lead me and guide
me; you take me out of the net they have hidden for me, for you are my
refuge. Into your hand I commit my spirit;
you have redeemed me, O Lord,
faithful God. I hate those
who pay regard to worthless idols, but I trust in the Lord. I will
rejoice and be glad in your steadfast love, because you have seen my
affliction; you have known the distress of my soul, and you have not
delivered me into the hand of the enemy; you have set my feet in a broad place.
Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am in distress; my eye is wasted from
grief; my soul and my body also. For my life is spent with sorrow, and
my years with sighing;
my strength fails because of my iniquity, and my bones
waste away.
Oh, how
abundant is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you
and
worked for those who take refuge in you, in the sight of the children of mankind!
In the cover of your presence you hide them from the plots of men;
you
store them in your shelter from the strife of tongues. Blessed be the
Lord, for he has wondrously shown his steadfast love to me
when I was in a
besieged city. I had said in my alarm, “I am cut off from your
sight.”
But you heard the voice of my pleas for mercy
when I cried to you for
help. Love the Lord, all you his saints! The Lord preserves the
faithful
but abundantly repays the one who acts in pride. Be strong, and
let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the Lord!
Every time I read this Psalm I glean new truths from it.
I’ve been realizing how much I put other’s acceptance and approval over that of
my Lord and Savior. Until I look to the Lord first for comfort, I will never be
satisfied with the comfort and acceptance I find from friends, even if those
friends are awesome godly people. I’m still struggling with making this new
head knowledge into heart knowledge though. Please pray that I would keep
recognizing these lies in my life as lies, that through the power of the Holy
Spirit I could cut out my self-deprecating tendencies, and that I would turn to
the one source of true comfort and acceptance before anything else.
Thank you for your continued support! I’m excited to see
what the Lord does these last 3 weeks of project!
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